Relationships: We get along but do you meet my requirements

So a close friend and I were talking about the state of black marriage and relationships and we think we have figured out the solution to our problem.......we have a dang manual the other person has to abide by in order to even date. Please don't act like you don't have this problem, because we have all either been the victim or suspect of this epidemic.

For example, you met a guy and he's nice, employed, saved, but he has 2 kids.....yeah not going to work out because you think "baby mama drama". Or there's a single woman, saved, great job, no kids, has own house, etc. ans she's "too independent". We have so many rules and criteria for the a potential mate to meet that we tend to pass over good individuals. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying settle no not at all!!!!


Re-evaluate your list, is having perfect fingernails really going to lead to a long, productive relationship? Does the fact that she doesn't wear weave really going to equate to her being unfaithful? It's time to look past the superficial and look at the necessary. Will he take care of you if you have cancer? Does she have the type of character to take care of everything if you lose your job, WITHOUT complaining and putting down your manhood. Look at the big: will this person benefit the life I want to live, does this person fit God's plan for my life? All that other stuff is trivial......

work groove

So today i've decided to put my best foot forward for work. I ACTUALLY HAVE ON MAKEUP LOL

My Natural Hair

So for those of you who know I have transitioned from relaxed hair to natural hair.

It's been over a year since my last relaxer and about 5 months since my real big chop. I simply love my hair like this!! Its so much healthier and it's growing like crazy.

Let me explaining my reasoning for this transition. Actually there are several reasons. First, my hair was in bad shape and I was getting it done professionally every two weeks. The sides were VERY thin, okay you can say they were bald. My hair was breaking off with each new weave and it had just stopped growing. I would be so embarrassed to sit in the chair and get my hair taken down, because I didn't want anyone else to see what horrible shape my hair was in. Instead of a crown of glory it was a crown of shame :\ I would sit in the stylist chair put my head down, put my head phones in and not make eye contact until the whole ordeal was over. 

Second, I was tired of spending so much money and not getting the results I wanted. I figured if I was going to spend close to 200 dollars a month (not including the weave)  I need to have healthy fly hair. Instead I would have a great looking weave with no improvement to my hair. There was no way I could justify it. Especially with buying a house. All that money coming out of my pocket could have been spent on necessities such as lights, water, and gas, maybe even a new pair of shoes lol.  The picture below explains how I felt lol. I mean for real weave prices are ridiculous and the prices the stylist charge to do it matched the ridiculousness.

Third, I just wanted to really wear my natural. I hadn't worn my "real hair" since I sported a cute short cut my junior year in college. Other than that it had been braids and weaves. I didn't want to even bother with my hair in college or grad school. I tried to sport my natural once in college but my boyfriend (now my ex) hated it.The whole 2 months I was natural he would ask "when you gonna get a perm?" but everyone else around me LOVED it. My college coaches (all white men) would comment on my twa, marveling at how curly it was. So in making the decision I channeled the compliments of  "mainstream" America. I know it sounds crazy but look we all know "we" can be harsh on one another. So I just went back into my mental Rolodex and did what I had to do.

So as of now I'm natural and free. I'm learning that the true meaning of my beauty has nothing to do with how straight or how long my hair is. I'm happy being nappy and I plan on staying this way :o)

Being a teacher in Texas

Okay being a teacher in the state of Texas sucks. Really sucks!! We are trying to put a band aid over a GIGANTIC gash. We need to fix the fact that majority of out students can't read out do simple math. Hell problem solving is a joke. Instead of putting new titles and buzz words on things, we need to go back to the basics.

Ugh our kids are crazy because we are not offering a stable environment. Stop changing things and find something that works for real.

Farewell Digital Girl

I can honestly admit I used to be one of the original digital girls. I used my webcam before many knew they existed. It was fun in the beginning, meeting new people from different places and doing goofy things like watching a movie with someone at the same time or trying different food and talking about it.
You could be anyone you wanted to be at any given time. I loved making up different identities and living them out. Made my life fun and exciting.I guess it was a way to escape the reality I was living.
Then it got way too perverted. There was a time where ppl would only talk to you if you revealed some things. Now if this is for you fine but it was too much for me. So I gave it up.
Now I take the more conservative route. Most days I don't even get on my computer. A webcam? Forget about it! lol I barely use my camera on my phone.
So this is good bye to the former digital girl. For a time it was fun and exciting but now I love my real life.

Staying off my lap top

Going to see how long I can last without my laptop this month probably not long, going to need it for break lol

Buyers Not A Sellers Market

Yeah it's late and probably not a great time for me to be blogging, but I feel the truth always comes out in the late night/early morning so I'm about to let it rip.

Okay ahem *clearing throat and stepping on my soap box*, tonight I understand why women become bitter with men. Guys I used to be a neutral party in this battle of the sexes but I can't sit back and be inactive any longer. Guys and Ladies we have to get it together. Ladies, know that dating and finding a mate is kind of like the present housing market. It's a buyers market!!! We are struggling to make it a sellers market by pretending we have control over men and how we can get them to want/accept/love us but the truth of the matter is it's too many of us out there that are available. We are competing against each other when it has nothing to do with us at all. It's all about the man making up his own mind on what he wants. Does this mean you stand on the side line and wait?? No ma'am you will not, you will continue to groom and perfect yourself. Make sure you are able to take care of yourself in the case that when you do find the one and he dies or leaves, you won't be helpless. I'm tired of seeing us break down because of some dude...STOP IT!!!! Like the Bible says in Colosians 3:2 we should set our minds on heavenly things. I know in a world filled with self indulgence it seems hard to focus on the things of God. Pleases believe I understand it can get down right laborious just to wake up and go to church on Sunday morning for a couple hours, never mind contemplating on what's taught in church for that whole week. But when it gets down to it, life will be so much simpler. If we could all get on the page of bettering ourselves instead of chasing down a man, life would be so much easier. You wouldn't have to worry if he still respects you, actually wants you, or is willing to introduce you to his mother (that's the biggest test).

Where is this coming from you may ask, some years of experience. Yeah I've been there, done that, and I'm writing the blog about it. I still to this day still slip into the old mind set of trapping and keeping a man, but it always backfires into a tragedy. I was engaged, I guess you can say, twice and neither of those turned out right. All because I believed it was a sellers market. If you don't remember anything please remember this, no matter how good you think you are, some one else is WILLING to do better. You can't compete with every women in the world, it's not possible. The only thing you can control is who you are as a person. Never let a man make you feel incompetent as a woman because you aren't willing do what the 15 other women would do to get what they think is a good man.

If you take this post to be bitter, you shouldn't. You should think of it more as being fed up with up the actions of weak women and ignorant men. Randomly having sex or going against your morals WILL NOT get you what you want. You may ask "why this chick thinks she an expert" because I don't want you to go down the same road I've been down. Remember ladies, it's a buyers market so prep yourself to be bought and not rented.

Strange dreams from a strange mind

So recently I've been having really strange dreams. Can't seem to really make sense of the madness which causes me to wake up troubled and bothered. There is no rhyme or reason to them, and they are all full of random events. Maybe it's just a reflection of how I feel my life is going. Some say that's what happens in our dream state, it's our sub-conscience showing us how we really view our world. If that's so, I am a sexually repressed, relationship impaired individual, who wants to do right but always screws up (just telling you how the dreams are going). I guess I should talk to someone about them. I'm tired of waking up with migraines and stress in my shoulders. The crazy thing about all of this is I have no real stresses going on. I'm winding down some things in my life and starting to really focus on what matters. But maybe there is one thing that's getting to me, I have a feeling I know what it is but at times its slips away, like in a vaguely remembered dream. Who knows....but what I do know, I'm going to book a pampering day for myself and maybe I can let whatever it is go (hopefully).

What are your dreams telling you? You should seriously look into it. Most times it's God trying to talk to us, and other times it's just the junk you encounter from the day reprocessing itself. Either way you should pay attention to your dreams, especially the ones you remember.

Being Happy

When I woke up this morning I prayed for God to just let me be happy today. Then a thought came to my mind, what is real happiness. It couldn't be just about paying bills, because I can do that with my eyes closed. Was it about having a boyfriend, ha that's a funny notion. I have been searching for it but I know what it is. Happiness is when I'm with my family and we are laughing about something that happened in the past. Happiness is the moment when I moved into my house and all I had was a big screen tv and my fabulous recliner. Happiness is when my little sister and I walk down a hallway and people say "dang yall really do look alike". Happiness is what you make it. You may not always feel it, especially on those days you wake up and don't want to do anything, but it is what is. You find the things that make your heart leap, your eyes well up with tears of joy and laughter,things that make you smile so hard you show gums. You hold onto things like this and you will always have true happiness.

Live your Life

This evening I found out someone I knew committed suicide this morning. It hurt my heart because I never knew that he was in that much pain and anguish. All I could think of is could I have said something to move him away from this drastic outcome. Then I think about the times I have had that same thought. The thought that all I have to do is this one thing and all my problems will go away. It's usually a passing thought because I think of all the people who I would hurt, the lives I would miss, the things I would not be able to accomplish. I think my fighting spirit always gets in the way of me losing my life. I guess my faith in God has always kept me pushing. I'm sad a friend lost his life, but it also makes me cherish mine. No matter who leaves me, or calls me weak, or hates me, or hurts my feelings will never push me to the edge. I am stronger than what people think and I will triumph no matter what. My life is what I make it and since I know I'm going to die one day, I will choose to make the best of it!!!

So Gone...but not too far

As you can tell I love all things Jill. Yes her whole discography is the soundtrack to my life. This song in particular. We've all had them, those relationships that you knew where wrong, but you still stayed with that person for all the wrong reasons. You know without a shadow of doubt that it's wrong, but you are attracted to that thing that makes it wrong. You try to keep it going, and then you finally "wake up". No, actually you start losing meaningful things around you, that when you wake up. It doesn't always have to be a relationship, it could be an addiction, a job, etc. We let certain things take over our lives that just shouldn't. We get so consumed with the feeling it gives us that we don't think about the consequences. The woman that loves that man that dogs her, never realizes the toll it takes on her self esteem. The drug addict never sees the relationships her addiction has destroyed. It's funny how we can let certain things distract us and get us off course. But the great thing about it is, when you wake up you can usually get back to  life as normal. You may have a couple of bridges to mend but it helps you grow as a person.

The dreaded Mondays

I despise Mondays!!! I don't know why but I really can't get with the program. Mondays are the bane of my existence....ok maybe that 's too far. I just really don't think we should work on Mondays. As a coach I have to work on weekends so the things that normal people get done on Saturdays or Sundays (I go to church on Sundays) I don't. I need one extra day to catch up. So today I feel like writing to Congress and the White House to see if we can officially have three day weekends. For all of us that truly work 6 day work weeks, please just give us a break so we can get rid of our Monday Blues.

Making a conscience effort to grow up

Today our Bishop taught from 1 Peter 1:3-10. Basically Peter was writing  to tell the church that salvation was not enough to change them. They have to be actively involved in the change. This subject got my gears to grinding. It helped me to understand why some people are in certain situations. They expect others to help them grow up and mature instead of making a conscience effort to do it themselves. So many people feel it's others responsibility to help them grow and to mature, this is where the "helpless mentality" comes from. "I can't do it because no one has been there for me" or "I can't do it because no one ever taught me". How about you take control and you teach yourself. The time for being helpless and ignorant is gone. There are too many resources out there to help you get on your feet.

The American culture speaks of "pulling yourself up by your boot straps" yet we continue to let people abuse the systems put in place to help the ones that WANT to help themselves. My people, my people!!! Stop blaming everyone else and start doing. You will perish from lack of knowledge. Life will pass you by. Stand up and fight for your right to exist and not only exist but to be fruitful and multiply (not talking about having kids, but about having success in life). No more can you stand by and expect someone else to do it for you, the time is now. Stepup to the plate and get it done. Think about it, you are the only one that can do the job that you were meant to do. That should make you feel special, no one else can do it like you can. If God meant for someone else to do it, it would have been done by now. He's waiting on you. TAKE CONTROL!!! GROW UP and MATURE.

Stop wallowing in self-pity, it's a trap from the enemy. Notice this: those who always linger in self pity, usually have nothing going for them. They are miserable human beings who suffer from an addiction (doesn't have to be drugs either) and talk about the some thing that happened 15 years ago. Don't be that person, live in the now. If there is a quality that you don't have, add it. Peter said "and to this add", which means you can tack it on. You can't sew, add! You can't do math, practice and add! You can't read, add!! There are no more excuses.

This may seem like a rant, but as an educator, I see a helpless mentality all over our kids. They feel things should be handed to them and if it's not done for them then they can't/won't do it. What kind future will they have with this mentality? I can tell you another welfare generation that always looks for hand outs!!! Can't have it and won't tolerate it. So if you see me sternly leading a child in the right direction, don't tell me I'm being too rough. Chances are you are one of the people that need to mature a little more to get to the level where you can lead.

Another day, another.............

This song is definitely describing my life at the moment. It's moving at such a fast pace that I feel as though I have no one to run to. It's not even about having a man, it's just about having someone to give me comfort, or to pat me on the back and say you're okay, or just to give me that reassuring hug that helps you relax and all the troubles go away. Yes my family does that, but they have their own "cares of the world". I guess just being this for everyone else is killing me. I'm really not trying to but some times I feel as though I'm holding the world together for everyone else. Right now I'm at the point where I'm looking at God and screaming out HELLLLPPPP at the top of my lungs and nothing is being done. I'm tired of my job, I'm tired of coaching, I'm tired of being the rock. Maybe this is the point where God wants me to be. I feel He keeps telling me "Girl, it's not your job to keep the world going, that's MY JOB", but I keep doing the same exact thing. One day I'll learn, but until then I will keep asking God for help and energy to push me through.

Never let.....

Here's a couple of never let statements that usually help me out in life:

Never let someone make you feel sorry for who you are.

•     It's the way God made you, as long as you aren't doing the things that are opposite of God's will for your life then you are okay. 

Never let anyone violate your right to live

• you have a right to exist and be, never let anyone threaten that through physical or mental violence

Never give up more than you can afford

• people in this world will take from you until you have nothing left. never let this happen always make sure your star player (that's you) is taken care of. 

Never stay in a place that makes you unhappy

• having an unhappy life leads to unhappy, unhealthy behaviors. When you start feeling like this take steps to make sure you are going to be happy, not just in the short term but also in the long run. 

Never let someone dictate the way you look

• DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!! If you want to wear your hair natural do it. If you want green fingernails , do it. If you like to wear purple do it!!! Just make sure it's neat and acceptable (you don't want to lose your job). But do things that make you feel great (once again have to be in God's will) and you won't have to deal with having a dreadful life. 

I have more but these are the only ones I could think of at the moment. God never desired for your life to be miserable. So if you see it going in that direction, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! 

Love you like I love myself 

Finally Gone

So he has finally let me go. The one who keeps popping in and out of my life every three years. I'm hoping this time it's permanent. I can't take the roller coaster. I'm finally ready to get off and enjoy real love. Not the conditional crap he used to push me. The "if you do something I don't like then it's over" type love, never mind I was willing to give up everything for him. He could never see that. He was too busy trying to keep himself wrapped in the enigma of "HIM". To busy trying to keep others out that he never truly let me in, and now it's finally over. I'm free to be me and enjoy love with someone who actually cares. With someone who really knows me and accepts me for who I am. No more waiting and hoping, no more wishing and praying. I actually prayed and told God if it wasn't his will to cut it off. I'm happy to say today, at this moment, I exhaled a sigh of relief and release. Life is great!!!

The Hurt and the Pain

Hear My Call by Jill Scott truly speaks to my life. As I continue through this journey in life I have been hurt many times that the idea of love scares me. My last relationship I really tried but he proved himself to be just like the others. His love burned me, but what could I expect from someone who never really knew what true love is. So for now I continue to ask God to heal the sting from fake love once again, and I vow to not let it ever burn me the way it has now.